How to save NA
Have you ever thought that maybe you have been
spiritually singled out to
lead the masses in Narcotics Anonymous? If you feel it's your chosen
destiny to better the NA fellowship inspite of its pure simplicity and
mundane loving nature, this post is for you.
Over the years I have seen many personalities in the rooms of NA acting in
the alledged behalf for the betterment of all addicts in recovery. All of
whom have helped me to come to these conclusions.
The following is a list of some "things to do" when youv'e come to the
conclusion that you need to "Save The Fellowship".
Join as many subcommittees as humanly possible (with the exception of H&I
because it will not bring you the limelight you will need) in order to
quickly move up to the top of the food chain in the service structure so
that others will recognize you as an authority figure addict.
Memorize the traditions, concepts, and the principles of the steps so that
you can twist them to fit what ever agenda or debate you are having on a
moments notice and to lecture newcomers on their misguided ways.
Take a firm stand against all other 12 step programs and do not allow your
sponsee's to converse with others who have not yet seen the light. Feel
free to lump all people into categories as you see fit.
Forget where you came from, it will do you no good where you are going and
it will only make you weak.
Share at ALL meetings you attend, after all, what YOU have to say is for
the benefit fellowship and is spoken through you, directly from god.
Besides, what YOU have to say is probably more important than what someone
else has to say.
Never take on meaningless responsibilities like making coffee, setting up
chairs, or being a secretary. As these positions will not offer the
recognition you deserve, nor will they supply that platform you need to
begin your rise to power.
Carefully manage all those you sponsor! Direct them to the join
subcommittees that most need your impact. This next part may be
difficult..... MAKE SURE they know exactly what your opinion is before
they get to the meeting so you can have an impact even though you are not
there. As a bonus feel free to tell them and those they sponsor what to
do in all relationships and if they go against you FIRE them!
Collect and wear loving t-shirts with sayings on them like "One program
One Disease Mine!" You should be able to get a color for every day of the
Don't have sex with newcomers in THIS program. I know you hate this one
(we all do) but you have to make the sacrifice in order to get the program
back on track. Try this: Hook up with someone who has some time, but
considerably less than you, that way they will have to do as you say just
like your sponsees.
If you manage to work up to the world service level, although you won't be
considered the way you should be at the WSC, the folks back home will
think you are the shit and you may be able to steer your region/area in
the right direction.
Sponsor everyone you can, even if you don't have time for them. Make a
list of do's and don'ts and just hand it to them when they need something.
Do not waste time on anything other than being a high ranking soldier in
the field of NA, i.e. don't go to school or have hobbies. This way you
will remain vigilant in service and know what is happening and you will be
able to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control.
Ok boys and girls, go get em!
Remember NA needs you, you don't need it.
Love Jimmy S.
PS..... If you are unable to perform the above mentioned tasks, just send 20 bucks to:
SAVE THE FELLOWSHIP
P.O. Box 13th Step
Cloud Nine, N.A.
The money will go for those t-shirts.
PSS..... Serious replies are not necesarry.